my Journey
It is almost a decade since I entered in the Carmelite formation. Many great things happened to me and I am very grateful to these. It was clear to me then why I entered in the seminary. It is because of my desire to be a priest and to be of service to the people. These were molded from my experiences since I was a child and part of it was the guide of my parents and some people whom I happened to met along my journey. I’m happy that until today my family is still there with me in my journey in Carmel. College formation life has its own dynamics if I were to compare it to where I am now. Being a college with a young mind and almost with the people of same age, you are always filled with awe, wonders and curiosities. I used these as my opportunity to grow and to be mature in my formation process. True enough that I graduated and made myself ready for the next challenging stage of formation in the Carmelites – the Postulancy..
When I was still in the college formation, I heard already many stories about the life in the Postulancy. You are to immerse yourself with the people for six months. These made me feel excited with my next stage since I love adventure and on this stage that I can experience for myself the lives of these people. Indeed, my experience in the postulancy did great changes in my life. I started to understand the life-situation of the people. I became more critical in seeing the realities in life. In this stage I felt the presence of God in the lives of the people. I remember when I was asked by Fr. Eddie during my evaluation in the postulancy when he said, “What are you going to bring in the novitiate?” I told him saying “the Rommel who happens to finish the postulancy program of the Carmelites.” I brought in the Novitiate with me my rich experiences during my postulancy program. I grew in my process
Novitiate for me helped me go back to my personhood after the college and postulancy experiences. I saw this as my opportunity to act out what I saw during my postulancy. I felt the energy in my initiation as a religious. I was able to find my spirituality along with my experiences. Though there arose problems but these did not block me to see the beauty of living a life in the novitiate. I would say my spiritual life grew in this stage. My personal readings of some spiritual books, the learning from the Carmelite studies and the silent environment inside the novitiate house made comfort in deepening my spiritual life.
I felt happy when I first stepped in the student friary. I had my first profession last June 4, 2005. I had with me all my experiences from my previous formations. I would say it was a different setting then. From a quite life in the novitiate down to a more open and busy life in the friary. Indeed life here is freer than novitiate or in postulancy and even in the college formation. You are looked as a responsible individual and this I like most. You are trained to be mature enough and see things beyond what appears to be so obvious and bold – to be critical. The learning I got from ICTC exceed to what I perceived from people outside about theology to be scholastic and dogmatic. I learned that theology is a study of life that is grace-filled; a grace filled by God and is rooted in the very lives of the people. I saw the love of the community, value of sharing, understanding and acceptance, that when we gathered for some drinks, we don’t only share laughter but instead the very lives of the brothers. The simple hello and tap on the shoulder, shows camaraderie beyond words. The people I’ve met from the pastoral area and in the inserted community play a very important role in my journey. These are the same people who taught me many things about life.
In this stage also that I felt I’m detached from myself. In the morning, seldom you can pause for a moment because you have to prepare yourself for the classes in the next couple of hours. During night time you can’t even recall what had happened to you the whole day because of the many assignments filed up in your table. Sometimes you have to sleep early in the morning for that matter. During weekends you have to clean the house, do your laundry, do your marketing, etc. Only on Sundays you have your time not to reflect on what had happened to you for the past week but rather to take a rest ready for another busy week ahead. Sometimes problem comes your way and you can hardly find time to settle things up. There are sometimes feelings of regret for not having utilized the immersions in a deep reflection-based sharing of experiences that will somehow help individuals in their personal growth and use this as an opportunity in trying to look into themselves from the busy academic schedules we have. One may throw these things to me and say it’s my fault because you are not managing well your time; you didn’t go to your formator or someone else and for what ever reason one can say but still the fact remains that these are realities. And when you are in these realities, the best option you may do is to be like a bird and see things with the bird’s eye view. After you have been into the forest and able to see things inside the forest, sometimes you have to get outside the forest to have a look from afar and then start to say something about it from your experience.
Together with all my experiences in the formation, my brothers, my family and all the people I’ve met, their stories showed me what life is. That life isn’t about where we are heading but rather on how we are going to live life to where we are heading.
This made me reflect my life as of the moment. After my studies in theology, I’ll be having my solemn profession and I can even ask the council with the approval of any of the bishops to have my solemn profession together with my ordination to the Deaconate at the same time. After six months, I can have my ordination as a priest. And if I will go on to these processes, by next year December 2009, to be exact, I will be a Priest then.
Many things happened along the way. And my reason of entering the seminary when I was a graduate from high school has to be revisited. Now, I am not anymore a high school graduate. More than 1/3 of my life I spent it already with the Carmelites and I am proud to say that I am indeed a Carmelite though officially, I still have to have my solemn profession. For me, the gauge of becoming servant doesn’t have to be a priest. The gauge of successfully completing the Carmelite formation doesn’t have to be at the graduation in ICTC, or during solemn professions, or even in the priestly ordinations but rather your whole life is the whole process of formation for Carmelites.
For now, I’m looking not on the finish line but rather on how I ran as of the moment to where I am heading. There are times that I forgot to look into myself to where I am now because of the busy schedules in the school, some papers and the like; some expectations of the people around you asking when will be my ordination; family problems and even personal. Sometimes I feel like my life is already in the system of ‘chronos’ forgetting about the ‘kairos.’ I don’t want to compromise the people whom I am going to serve. My family, my Carmelite community, my friends and the people are my inspiration and I don’t want to fail them, much as they also don’t want to see me unprepared in serving God.
For these I guess it’s not a loss if I will find time for my self and reflect on the processes I’ve gone through. This will rather help me a lot in seeing things ahead of me better enough.
-melskiens-
When I was still in the college formation, I heard already many stories about the life in the Postulancy. You are to immerse yourself with the people for six months. These made me feel excited with my next stage since I love adventure and on this stage that I can experience for myself the lives of these people. Indeed, my experience in the postulancy did great changes in my life. I started to understand the life-situation of the people. I became more critical in seeing the realities in life. In this stage I felt the presence of God in the lives of the people. I remember when I was asked by Fr. Eddie during my evaluation in the postulancy when he said, “What are you going to bring in the novitiate?” I told him saying “the Rommel who happens to finish the postulancy program of the Carmelites.” I brought in the Novitiate with me my rich experiences during my postulancy program. I grew in my process
Novitiate for me helped me go back to my personhood after the college and postulancy experiences. I saw this as my opportunity to act out what I saw during my postulancy. I felt the energy in my initiation as a religious. I was able to find my spirituality along with my experiences. Though there arose problems but these did not block me to see the beauty of living a life in the novitiate. I would say my spiritual life grew in this stage. My personal readings of some spiritual books, the learning from the Carmelite studies and the silent environment inside the novitiate house made comfort in deepening my spiritual life.
I felt happy when I first stepped in the student friary. I had my first profession last June 4, 2005. I had with me all my experiences from my previous formations. I would say it was a different setting then. From a quite life in the novitiate down to a more open and busy life in the friary. Indeed life here is freer than novitiate or in postulancy and even in the college formation. You are looked as a responsible individual and this I like most. You are trained to be mature enough and see things beyond what appears to be so obvious and bold – to be critical. The learning I got from ICTC exceed to what I perceived from people outside about theology to be scholastic and dogmatic. I learned that theology is a study of life that is grace-filled; a grace filled by God and is rooted in the very lives of the people. I saw the love of the community, value of sharing, understanding and acceptance, that when we gathered for some drinks, we don’t only share laughter but instead the very lives of the brothers. The simple hello and tap on the shoulder, shows camaraderie beyond words. The people I’ve met from the pastoral area and in the inserted community play a very important role in my journey. These are the same people who taught me many things about life.
In this stage also that I felt I’m detached from myself. In the morning, seldom you can pause for a moment because you have to prepare yourself for the classes in the next couple of hours. During night time you can’t even recall what had happened to you the whole day because of the many assignments filed up in your table. Sometimes you have to sleep early in the morning for that matter. During weekends you have to clean the house, do your laundry, do your marketing, etc. Only on Sundays you have your time not to reflect on what had happened to you for the past week but rather to take a rest ready for another busy week ahead. Sometimes problem comes your way and you can hardly find time to settle things up. There are sometimes feelings of regret for not having utilized the immersions in a deep reflection-based sharing of experiences that will somehow help individuals in their personal growth and use this as an opportunity in trying to look into themselves from the busy academic schedules we have. One may throw these things to me and say it’s my fault because you are not managing well your time; you didn’t go to your formator or someone else and for what ever reason one can say but still the fact remains that these are realities. And when you are in these realities, the best option you may do is to be like a bird and see things with the bird’s eye view. After you have been into the forest and able to see things inside the forest, sometimes you have to get outside the forest to have a look from afar and then start to say something about it from your experience.
Together with all my experiences in the formation, my brothers, my family and all the people I’ve met, their stories showed me what life is. That life isn’t about where we are heading but rather on how we are going to live life to where we are heading.
This made me reflect my life as of the moment. After my studies in theology, I’ll be having my solemn profession and I can even ask the council with the approval of any of the bishops to have my solemn profession together with my ordination to the Deaconate at the same time. After six months, I can have my ordination as a priest. And if I will go on to these processes, by next year December 2009, to be exact, I will be a Priest then.
Many things happened along the way. And my reason of entering the seminary when I was a graduate from high school has to be revisited. Now, I am not anymore a high school graduate. More than 1/3 of my life I spent it already with the Carmelites and I am proud to say that I am indeed a Carmelite though officially, I still have to have my solemn profession. For me, the gauge of becoming servant doesn’t have to be a priest. The gauge of successfully completing the Carmelite formation doesn’t have to be at the graduation in ICTC, or during solemn professions, or even in the priestly ordinations but rather your whole life is the whole process of formation for Carmelites.
For now, I’m looking not on the finish line but rather on how I ran as of the moment to where I am heading. There are times that I forgot to look into myself to where I am now because of the busy schedules in the school, some papers and the like; some expectations of the people around you asking when will be my ordination; family problems and even personal. Sometimes I feel like my life is already in the system of ‘chronos’ forgetting about the ‘kairos.’ I don’t want to compromise the people whom I am going to serve. My family, my Carmelite community, my friends and the people are my inspiration and I don’t want to fail them, much as they also don’t want to see me unprepared in serving God.
For these I guess it’s not a loss if I will find time for my self and reflect on the processes I’ve gone through. This will rather help me a lot in seeing things ahead of me better enough.
-melskiens-
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