Saturday, November 30, 2013
Posted by -melskiens- at 6:42 AM
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
I wish I was more of a fool,
Whose only happiness is to make folly my desires;
Nonsense to which I assented my ego,
To err the only decency I fondled.
I wish I was more of a coward,
Whose only dismay is I myself being a hero;
A morsel of gallantry is scattered,
Losing the identity of a knight errant.
I hate it when I become so enthused,
With the thing most of the people hate;
Or perhaps I am just so fond of pretensions,
Candidly spoiling the inceptive of sanity.
I hate it when the heart's debacle is unmasked,
Becoming too mundane to obscure;
Dragging me to the abyss of deception,
Desperately seeking for my lost soul.
What can I be to you? A scoundrel perhaps?
A naught would be much appalling too;
It gives me no option for bliss,
Nor the dire longing for a kiss.
I walk leaving with no trace.
Head held up like a king with no crown;
Wide enough my kingdom it may seem,
My queen I lost, my treasure I wasted.
How can I get up from below,
Deserting the future it may offer;
I can only do a little with what I have,
Constantly waning from what is left inside.
I wish of my own stupidity, bragging it loosely,
Claiming my own ardor in disdain;
The desolation was never in my mind,
Until I lost my fervor, my amity, my love.
Posted by -melskiens- at 6:45 AM
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
This is not anymore the question of who will be the next Bishop of Rome (although a i love the see Fr. Chito in the balcony of St. Peter giving his blessings after the Cardinal Protodeacon announces the famous "habemus Papam") but rather the question of the capability of the chosen Pope to address the issues that the Church is facing nowadays: Growing secularism and apathy especially in Europe and America; Sex abuse issues; Religious persecutions especially in non-christian nation; Declining number of priests and faithfuls; Rising clamor for women ordination and priest allowing to be married; and the famous Vatileaks (divisiveness, corruption, etc. in the Curia) and so on and so forth. Let's see what the Holy Spirit has to offer on the Second day of the conclave and the following days to come (although, most likely the white smoke will be illusive on the second day and even on the third day). My Prayers...
Posted by -melskiens- at 2:08 AM
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Lazy blogger here. I only posted just one entry last year. Can't seem to find a good experience worthy of sharing here in my blog. I can't find a single event which i considered the most unforgettable one for 2012. Yes, another year have passed and all I can say is that i'm getting older and older (my age is still in the calendar, though). I just recently celebrated my birthday this week. And looking back at my life, I am trying to sort out the things happened to me.
2009 when I started my life outside. I envisioned myself then that i will be successful and will be able to conquer my fears and eventually would become a better person that is mature and ready to stand whatever lifetime decisions i will be making. Now, year 2013, I don't know where I am, or I don't know if i failed. Was my vision feasible or was I dreaming too much of myself then? Yes, I was dreaming of becoming one of the performers in an orchestra playing my violin, having a Managerial position in an international NGO. I'm dreaming of learning three or even more foreign languages. Having my Masteral Degree outside the country. Able to built a House, and many more. And looking at these dreams, i would say i'm like a bat in the bellfry!
Yeah, call me one. It's OK. Anyway, it's true. Crazy because didn't do to make those things a fact of reality. I have a violin but i didn't pratice. I want to work in an NGO (international) but i didn't applied. I enrolled myself in a Korean language school at Korean Cultural Center but i didn't continue. Now i'm currently studying Spanish but sometimes I'm sluggish and skip my classes. I've searched scholarship grants in the internet but no lap of luxury. I'm also skeptical because academically, i'm just a so-so. All the scholarships i've searched on the web are looking only for those Einstein-brainlike students and individuals or those who-made-significant-contributions-to-society can get the scholarships. Hindrances, name it, not to mention, my lack of time, money and resources. I'm also tide-up with my family who is asking for my support financially. Blah, blah, blah. I don't even have time for LOVE! hmmm, what is love, anyway?
I'm already at the stage of Young Adulthood that's according to Erikson's stages of psychosocial development (ages bet. 20-24, or 20-40 years). It is about Intimacy vs. Isolation. And if you asked me right now to choose between Intimacy vs Isolation, I would prefer Isolation. Now, does this makes me immature? Nah, leave it to Erikson.
Currently i'm becoming familiar with isolation. This maybe delineate as negative as oppose to intimacy but it is not about branding your life but rather on how you create your own life according to your heart's fervor. Intimacy is important, but i guess time won't allow me or maybe there is this desire still in my heart to embrace a different vocation, an Intimacy with God. Who knows?
At present, I'm setting some short term goals. As i mentioned, I'm currently studying Spanish at Instituto Cervantes. I'm now at level seven. Ahora puedo hablar y entender a español un poco pero nesecito studiar mucho. I still hate it when laziness calls my attention. I know that learning a language will open you to a wider horizon and this should push me through. I'm hoping that this year, i will be able to get a new job with the new learning i will have. I'm into trading at Stock Market as well. You probably think i'm already rich since I'm into stock trading/investing but you are wrong. This is also my concept before that whenever I hear or encounter the word Stock Market, then you must be very rich/a millionaire or you own a company. I was actually looking for a scheme where in I can maximize my money and will have a better returns. I was thinking of putting up a business but it didn't work. I came across at a forum about Stock Market and based on what I've discovered, you don't have to be a millionaire for you to be able to play in Stock Market. There i started my research and studied about its nature. After I gained confidence, I decided to venture into buying and selling shares. Eventually, I opened an account with an online stoke broker (COL FINANCIAL) with a minimum of 5000PhP. Right now i already have a 25% increase/gain in my portfolio. It entails high risk but you can actually minimize it by constantly educating yourself and openly learning the ups and downs of the market. Hopefully i can earn my first million and when it comes, expect me to resign at my job effective immediately.
My 2013 Chinese zodiac sign prediction told me that I am really not that lucky compared to those who were born in the year of the Dog and the Dragon. However, I am still optimistic this year of the Water Snake and hopefully i can sustain this positive attitude. Still i'm recognizing my shortcomings and this should not hold me back, but rather will psych me up in attaining what i want to accomplish.
I guess i should write more often here this year. I miss writting. I'm not a type of person who share openly with someone face to face. Whenever i want to express my feelings, I sometimes draw, paint, sing, play instrument, write a poem and blog. And i haven't done these things lately. And now is the right time to open myself again. It's good to breathe new life into yourself. It's good to be back in blogging.
It's good to welcome the year 2013 positively!
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Almost forgot i have a blog here. Its been months since my last entry was. There hasn't been any significant event I've experienced lately but only dullness. So this was probably the reason why i can't find even a single thought in my barren mind to start with. I was living my life one day at a time just like any other ordinary man consuming his life on earth. To describe my feelings, here are some of my musings that deeply reflect where i am and what i have become these days. There isn't much glow in-between the lines, only bleakness and blahs. Kinda related to the last entry i have. (Don't you think this is the best way to start writing again in my blog?)
It pains me knowing i can't have her, not in my time. However, it is even worst than pain knowing she's becoming indifferent for unknown reason. It is like stripping me of a little smile left in my heart. ------ I can't just have her. And it can never be happened unless i can stop my time running.
Lately i am obsessed with my aspirations and then here comes the inhibitions, these two most oddly jumbled in my head that sometimes ending up me having to compensate by imagining for what i am not. Eventually isolating my instinct. Seriously, I need a Sense of Humor. ------- I know i can do great things but there is something that holding me from dosing so. I know what it is but i am just plainly stupid.
What is more disheartening is when you are able to give good advises to other people yet you failed to practice it to yourself. Stems from within is your insistent on your own abhorrence on change. ------ This is why I sometimes hate myself.
And to sum-up all...
It is like a comedy where one portrays a character in melancholy which is more interesting than the opposite. People will watch and perhaps amaze by the plot. But would they believe the portrayal in the first place? - Yeah, really, but what's more arduous is on how you conceal your pain so openly, to the very obvious... numbing oneself in absurdity of sadness - fiercest agonies... Damn!
- melskiens -
Posted by -melskiens- at 8:03 AM
Thursday, November 10, 2011
We only see the opposites in the ironies of life, we seldom acknowledge the "in-betweens" which is the sanctuary of maturity that which eventually bears the fruit of wisdom...
On loosing faith on oneself...
Lately I become cynical over things I'm painfully sarcastic about, ostentatious on circumstances complementing on what i perceive to be imperative. Like a leaf wavering in the air after it fell from a tree, the wind perceptively becoming my captain bringing me to ambiguity, transparently loosing my ground.
The oblivion lingers my head. Trudging a voyager to wander about in the abyss of wisdom. Wondering how this incurable insanity appearing in a lucid dream becomes an existence which is apparently an illusion.
Murmuring inside is an emphaty to heed the call of the mute, each word subdues his own propinquity, inexplicably desiring to pierce the adversary not known to his prudence.
Venturing into the waves that roll between loneliness and solitude. Sometimes thinking of drowning my own sublime truth.
On fear of Love...
Where to find this Love in whose yearning tends to diminish? Or perhaps fear is just lingering to the mere absence of fortitude? This might just be playing in my mind. So then please take my wisdom and buried it to the deepest chamber of love's sanctuary, never known to man unless exhausted by ecstasy.
On finding Love...
In solitude on that which my soul is in salutary, i constantly finding my peace which are invisible and intangible. However, it remains as it is until such love surpasses my being. For love alone can unite and fulfill two individuals at the very core - Where are you then my love?
It's hard when i see it's raining, dark as the world of man. Yet into each life some rain must fall. I have played in rain before, in which i played with my tears as well, hiding it together with the raindrops.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Hay naku, nakalimutan ko nang magblog. Last post ko dito noong May pa. Wala lang akong ganang magsulat. Mahirap kasi situasyon ko ngayon, maraming iniisip. May mga bagay na gustong mong gawin pero hindi mo magawa-gawa kasi may mga bagay pa na mas importante dito. Minsan nagtatanong narin ako kung importante ba talaga ang mga bagay na pinagtutuunan ko ng pansin. Pero napagtanto ko naman na importante ito - ang isipin muna ang iba bago ang sarili. Konting tiis lang siguro. Napaka unfair naman ng Dios kung mananatali nalang ako sa ganitong sitwasyon panghabang-buhay e halos buong buhay namin eh nasa katayuang sapat na o minsan ay salat talaga.
Minsan nagtatampo narin ako sa Kanya. Kahit wala akong karapatang magtampo pero ginagawa ko narin. Wala syang magagawa kasi eto ang feelings ko sa Kanya. At alam ko na naiintindihan Nya ako - sana nga.
Hanggang dito nalang at ako'y walang ganang magsulat.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
“Santo Subito!” (Saint Now!)This was the loud cry of the people at the funeral of the late Pope John Paul II last April 8, 2005 6 days after his death on April 2. Six years later, Pope John Paul II is beatified - the third of the four steps to sainthood.
The First step is the initial investigation of the person's life after he/she is considered for sainthood. It will be in the Diocesan level. After being confirmed, the Vatican will acknowledge a "Nihil Obstat." A Latin for "nothing hinders." In this stage, the person is called "the Servant of God." The second step is the establishing of the heroic act of the person. This will be led by a Postulator who coordinates the causes for beatification or canonization through the judicial processes which includes conducting thorough investigations into the life of the candidate, his works (writings) and deeds. It will be presented to the Congregation for the Causes of Saints in Rome. In this stage, the person is called "Venerable." The third is the Beatification. One requirement here is the miracle through the person's intercession. On JP II's case, it was a French nun named Sister Marie Simon-Pierre who was "miraculously" cured of the incurable Parkinson's disease. This was officially declared by the Vatican to have an "intercession" of Pope John Paul II. This time the person will be addressed as "Blessed." The last stage is the Canonization. This stage requires another miracle after the beatification. After thorough investigation, the Pope will declare the person as "Saint."
I'm one of the millions of people around the world celebrating with this great event! Hope this will draw inspirations to many.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Hahay, kuyaw gyud ning kinabuhi, usahay dili ka kasabot. Lisod tugkaron. Daghang mga pangutana. Daghan kaayong mga panghitabo nga makapalibog. Bisag ako nakapangutana na sa akong kaugalingon. Daghan kaayo ko ug pangandoy sa akong kaugalingon ug sa akong pamilya. Pero mura man dili mi magkasinabot sa akong pangandoy. Sa tinuod lang, usahay makapangutana ko sa Ginoo kung ngano ingon ini man ang akong/among kapalaran. Kitang tanan gusto nga mahimong maayo ang kahimtang sa kinabuhi. Gusto nato nga himsog atong panglawas, walay sakit, naay maayong panimalay, maayo ang pamilya, walay gubot, nakapahuman ug eskwela ang mga anak, malinawon ug haruhay nga pagpuyo. Basta ang basic needs makab-ot lang, pwede na. So far makaingon ko nga maayo man among pamilya, although dili mi open sa among mga gibati sa usa't-usa pero makasulti ko nga ang gugma nagpatigbabaw gyud. Bisag pobre ra mi pero maayo man among relasyon sa usag-usa ug sa ubang tao. Pero lagi, aduna pud baya miy mga butang nga gikinahanglan. Lisod-lisoron pud lagi ta usahay usa pa makab-ot bisan ang mga basic nga panginahanglan sa tao. Pero proud baya ko nga bisan sa among kapobrehon, daghan baya mi natabangan sa among mga paryente ug sa ubang tao. Pero mas makatabang pa unta mi ug dako-dako kung abunda pud mi.
Bitaw, wala mo kabantay? Katong mga ngil-ad ug mga kinaiya or batasan, katong mga kurap, hakog, killer, mangtas, mga dili mutoo sa Ginoo, katong mga demonyo sa atong panahon mao pa hinuon ang nakatagamtam ug kaharuhay sa kinabuhi. Ingon sa Bibliya, "Blessed is the Poor (in spirit or materially)because theirs is the Kingdom of God." Pero unsaon man nimo ang Kingdom of God kung gutom ang tao? Unya moingon kita nga "sige lang, ana jud ng pobre, antus lang usa kay sure naman ka sa langit inig kamatay nimo." Toinks! Estoryaheeee!!! Dili ba pwede paboran pud ta sa Ginoo? Usahay, walay mahimo ang tao kung dili mag romanticize nalang, we appeal to our emotions. Dili ko muingon nga maayo na jud kong tao pero kung ikompara nato sa uban - sus! ambot lang. Usahay i-justify nalang nato ang mga butang nga nahitabo. Ihapon nalang daw nato ang mga blessings nga gihatag sa atoa without the monetary value like - kinabuhi, ginhawa, maayong panglawas, pangsinabtanay, walay kaaway, malinawong pagpuyo, mga higala, ang kinaiyahan ang simpleng katawa ug uban pa (by the way, mutuo ko ani) Well, acknowledged, even those who are not entitled aning mga butanga natagamtaman man pud ni nila - so what's the difference? To answer this, dili usa nato iapil ang out of this world notions, diri usa ta sa unsay nahitabo sa adlaw-adlaw - ang karon. The difference is --- sila busog, ug ang mga buotan - GUTOM. Hahay ang kinabuhi gyud. Pero sa laing bahin, Maayo nalang pud nga ingon ani ang nahitabo kay siguro lisod pud ang kahimtang nila kung buot hunahunaon. Ikaw, gusto nimo mahimong killer? Di ba dili? Libuga nako noh? hehe..Pero usahay makahuna-huna baya ko nga magbinugoy, basin pa diay,hehe. Bitaw, ang ako lang hangyo sa Ginoo ba, (kung makabasa man gani ka ani akong blog) nga unta, ayaw lang palabii ang pag-antus sa uban. Dili ba pwede nga abunda ka unya maayo pa jud kang tao? Unsa na sila nga category? - the middle force? Mga pinili? Mao ba ni sila ang makaadto sa purgatoryo? good for them.
Ingon nila, ang pobre kuno kay nahimong pobre kay mga tapulan man sila. Pero kung muadto ka sa mga bukid, ang mga farmers nato, mumata na sila ug alas 4 sa kaadlawon para magandam sa ilahang umahan, mapabulad sa adlaw sa udtong tutok, unya magtugway sa kabaw, mouli na sa ilaha gabii na sa alas otso -- karon, tapulan ba na sila? bahala namo mangutana kung nganong igon ani man ang nahitabo. Ug usahay sudlan dayon ni siya sa rebolusyonaryong panghuna-huna, tungod ang gobyerno nato kay dili makatarunagnon, adunay inhustisya, mao mga ang pobre musamot kapobre ug ang mga datu musamot kadatu, ug dapat atong isalikway ang Gobyerno ug atong ibarog ang tinuod nga Gobyerno sa mga Tao. Well, tinuod ni sya pero usahay we become so idealistic pud nga usahay mahimong idea nalang pud ang tanan --- Waaaaahhhh ambot! galibog nako. Pero usa lang akong masulti. Bisan pa man sa mga panghitabo nga dili maayo, padayon gihapon ta sa atong kinabuhi. Paglaum. No choice pero maglaum nalang jud ta, wala tay mahimo, free man ni sya. Kung duna gihapon kay paglaum, mutuo gihapon ka nga mahimong paborable ang tanan sa imoha, diri sa kalibutan ug sa laing kalibutan... Dili ka mutuo? Hala, Pagminatay diha ug hilak sa kilid, tan-awon nato kung naa bay mahitabo sa imoha, hehehe... Bitaw, naa man Siya kanunay namati sa atoa, muduol lang gyud ta sa Iyaha.
kapag nananatiling bulag ang puso sa kalayaan na nais nitong matamasa, at pilit mo itong nililinlang sa mga kasinungalingan ng pagka-imbot, pagbabalatkayo at pagkagahaman, hinding-hindi mo makakamit ang ninanais mong kaligayahan...magparaya ka...maging bukas ka...