I'm writing again...the hard way.



Almost forgot i have a blog here. Its been months since my last entry was. There hasn't been any significant event I've experienced lately but only dullness. So this was probably the reason why i can't find even a single thought in my barren mind to start with. I was living my life one day at a time just like any other ordinary man consuming his life on earth. To describe my feelings, here are some of my musings that deeply reflect where i am and what i have become these days. There isn't much glow in-between the lines, only bleakness and blahs. Kinda related to the last entry i have. (Don't you think this is the best way to start writing again in my blog?)


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(On love...)

It pains me knowing i can't have her, not in my time. However, it is even worst than pain knowing she's becoming indifferent for unknown reason. It is like stripping me of a little smile left in my heart. ------ I can't just have her. And it can never be happened unless i can stop my time running.

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(On self)

Lately i am obsessed with my aspirations and then here comes the inhibitions, these two most oddly jumbled in my head that sometimes ending up me having to compensate by imagining for what i am not. Eventually isolating my instinct. Seriously, I need a Sense of Humor. ------- I know i can do great things but there is something that holding me from dosing so. I know what it is but i am just plainly stupid.

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(On conviction)

What is more disheartening is when you are able to give good advises to other people yet you failed to practice it to yourself. Stems from within is your insistent on your own abhorrence on change. ------ This is why I sometimes hate myself.


And to sum-up all...

It is like a comedy where one portrays a character in melancholy which is more interesting than the opposite. People will watch and perhaps amaze by the plot. But would they believe the portrayal in the first place? - Yeah, really, but what's more arduous is on how you conceal your pain so openly, to the very obvious... numbing oneself in absurdity of sadness - fiercest agonies... Damn!



- melskiens -










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