When can I hear the music again?

Am I running out of passion on music? I guess not and hopefully not. But every time i pick up "eng2x" (my violin) and think of practicing the piece composed by Pachelbel that I promised to master this year, my hands are suddenly tied up and loosing its grip on the fingerboard. I've always wanted to be a good instrumentalist to my favorite stringed instrument but I failed. It's been three years since i bought it and until now i can't even finished book II of the Suzuki method, too bad. Poor "Mr. Time," he always falls prey to my conventional scape goat which is "i don't have time to practice."

Ever since I was a child, the typical sound of this instrument have always been like a lullaby for me. I like its music because it feels like the notes are physically coming out from within every time you play it. It's dredging up those emotions that have been long hidden from uncertainties and letting it soar as if everything else is freedom. The real me is engaging, communicating, giving, speaking and loving. Not that I am living a bogus life all these years although I have reservations on my own, consuming my appetite for individuality. Not that I'm boring or a paranoid of some kind because I"m not. I can be jolly, funny and a clown. You can even have me sing (R&B, Boys II Men)type of songs, and dance. I can be nice, wild and serious as well. Did I mentioned being holy?. Yeah, I can be, maybe, perhaps, i guess so.

People are coming to me to tell their stories, may it be the happy and the not-so-happy one. I don't know why but what I only noticed is that I listen. A very good trait for a musician. You have to be a good listener to have a good grasp on music. However, I find it hard to do otherwise in terms of telling stories. It is refreshing that you were able to put smile on faces of other people that are drench in tears. However, there is also this emptiness while seeing yourself deprived of that same happiness you gave to them. I not the type of person who tell stories, especial my own story to others - personally. I can write it, though sometimes I'm lazy and I'm not good at writing I should say. It's better to keep it myself. I am more attuned to it and more comfortable and in time like this, music fills in. I always consider Music as the best alternative way in expressing myself. I've done sketching and went to painting. But the ink only runs in my veins once in a while and i can't just fit my image on a canvass. But lately I felt the need to revitalize my inclination to music. I guess this is the right time to be in touch again with eng2x. I have a good grip this time, maybe?. Inspirations are there waiting to be discovered. Or perhaps all i need is an open heart. Now, it's not anymore all about mastering a piece or becoming a very good instrumentalist, technically speaking. What is important rather, is the language and its message that is conveying to you as the one who plays and that you are able to perceptibly transcend that connectivity between your being and the music beyond your limited horizon. There certainly, i can beautifully hear the music.