Open Space...

Let me begin by saying, I'm not a Dilawan because my color is brown and I don't have hepatitis. I don't have plans of becoming a politician so don't ask me to run. Never ask me what I have contributed to the country because there's a lot. Being a good citizen is one example and there's more on my plate. And please don't do shit on me using Ad hominem, Ad Misericordia, etc. Not with me, do it with other people. Or better yet, don't do it at all. Why I am saying? Because there's a lot of douchebag lurking around social media waiting for their prey. These are paid trolls trying to malign the people, spreading fake news and attacking those who are critical of the government. But I don't mind them, engaging with them means more money to them. The hell I care. What is important now is the problem this society is facing and how this government is trying to win over it. I guess winning isn't manifesting that much, what is more prevalent is the incomp...

I started blogging since 2007 and as the years go by I started to feel like not writing at all. Sometimes if not always, I feel lazy in-between years and so maintaining this blog wasn't plausible and I wasn't really consistent, except for laziness. I was never a writer, nor aiming to be one. I did this blogging just to express my feelings. I am an introvert person. I love to be on my own, where I don't have to worry about people around me. Blogging is one way of communicating to the outside world, outside of myself. I would rather have a quality time with a dog than to spend a lot of time with people. I used to have one and I would love to have a dog right now but in my current situation, I find it hard to get one. So sad. And so I decided to write again because there is a need for me to somehow express how I feel. It's been quite a time since all the feelings have been kept inside of me. Perhaps this longing to be heard is somewhat brought by the pandemic and the quara...

With the recent Yolanda typhoon calamity, one question stands out - "Why?" Why do we have to suffer like this? Why the death of my beloved ones? Why us Lord? Why…? Why…? Why…? I will not attempt to know how these victims of calamity formulated their questions because I was not there when the typhoon strike nor try to answer their question because I’m not God. I would rather see the process of communication between a God and His people. Pope Francis encouraged us to ask why to God. He simply explains how this question would draw God’s attention to his children. He likened the situation to a child asking his parents about almost anything with a “why”. The pope said "the child does not wait for an answer from his father or mother." rather the child will add-up more and will never stops asking and asking. This is one way of seeking attention from his/her parents – and with our brothers and sisters who were affected by the recent typhoon, an attention from God....

A Cipher I Wish To Become. I wish I was more of a fool, Whose only happiness is to make folly my desires; Nonsense to which I assented my ego, To err the only decency I fondled. I wish I was more of a coward, Whose only dismay is I myself being a hero; A morsel of gallantry is scattered, Losing the identity of a knight errant. I hate it when I become so enthused, With the thing most of the people hate; Or perhaps I am just so fond of pretensions, Candidly spoiling the inceptive of sanity. I hate it when the heart's debacle is unmasked, Becoming too mundane to obscure; Dragging me to the abyss of deception, Desperately seeking for my lost soul. What can I be to you? A scoundrel perhaps? A naught would be much appalling too; It gives me no option for bliss, Nor the dire longing for a kiss. I walk leaving with no trace. Head held up like a king with no crown; Wide enough my kingdom it may seem, My queen I lost, my treasure I wasted. How can I get ...

This is not anymore the question of who will be the next Bishop of Rome (although a i love the see Fr. Chito in the balcony of St. Peter giving his blessings after the Cardinal Protodeacon announces the famous "habemus Papam") but rather the question of the capability of the chosen Pope to address the issues that the Church is facing nowadays: Growing secularism and apathy especially in Europe and America; Sex abuse issues; Religious persecutions especially in non-christian nation; Declining number of priests and faithfuls; Rising clamor for women ordination and priest allowing to be married; and the famous Vatileaks (divisiveness, corruption, etc. in the Curia) and so on and so forth. Let's see what the Holy Spirit has to offer on the Second day of the conclave and the following days to come (although, most likely the white smoke will be illusive on the second day and even on the third day). My Prayers... -melskiens-

Lazy blogger here. I only posted just one entry last year. Can't seem to find a good experience worthy of sharing here in my blog. I can't find a single event which i considered the most unforgettable one for 2012. Yes, another year have passed and all I can say is that i'm getting older and older (my age is still in the calendar, though). I just recently celebrated my birthday this week. And looking back at my life, I am trying to sort out the things happened to me. 2009 when I started my life outside. I envisioned myself then that i will be successful and will be able to conquer my fears and eventually would become a better person that is mature and ready to stand whatever lifetime decisions i will be making. Now, year 2013, I don't know where I am, or I don't know if i failed. Was my vision feasible or was I dreaming too much of myself then? Yes, I was dreaming of becoming one of the performers in an orchestra playing my violin, having a Managerial posit...

Almost forgot i have a blog here. Its been months since my last entry was. There hasn't been any significant event I've experienced lately but only dullness. So this was probably the reason why i can't find even a single thought in my barren mind to start with. I was living my life one day at a time just like any other ordinary man consuming his life on earth. To describe my feelings, here are some of my musings that deeply reflect where i am and what i have become these days. There isn't much glow in-between the lines, only bleakness and blahs. Kinda related to the last entry i have. (Don't you think this is the best way to start writing again in my blog?) -------------- (On love...) It pains me knowing i can't have her, not in my time. However, it is even worst than pain knowing she's becoming indifferent for unknown reason. It is like stripping me of a little smile left in my heart. ------ I can't just have her. And it can never be happened ...

On life... We only see the opposites in the ironies of life, we seldom acknowledge the "in-betweens" which is the sanctuary of maturity that which eventually bears the fruit of wisdom... _______________________ On loosing faith on oneself... Lately I become cynical over things I'm painfully sarcastic about, ostentatious on circumstances complementing on what i perceive to be imperative. Like a leaf wavering in the air after it fell from a tree, the wind perceptively becoming my captain bringing me to ambiguity, transparently loosing my ground. _______________________ On uncertainties The oblivion lingers my head. Trudging a voyager to wander about in the abyss of wisdom. Wondering how this incurable insanity appearing in a lucid dream becomes an existence which is apparently an illusion. _______________________ On helplessness... Murmuring inside is an emphaty to heed the call of the mute, each word subdues his own propinquity, inexplicably desiring to pierce the adversar...

photo credit Hay naku, nakalimutan ko nang magblog. Last post ko dito noong May pa. Wala lang akong ganang magsulat. Mahirap kasi situasyon ko ngayon, maraming iniisip. May mga bagay na gustong mong gawin pero hindi mo magawa-gawa kasi may mga bagay pa na mas importante dito. Minsan nagtatanong narin ako kung importante ba talaga ang mga bagay na pinagtutuunan ko ng pansin. Pero napagtanto ko naman na importante ito - ang isipin muna ang iba bago ang sarili. Konting tiis lang siguro. Napaka unfair naman ng Dios kung mananatali nalang ako sa ganitong sitwasyon panghabang-buhay e halos buong buhay namin eh nasa katayuang sapat na o minsan ay salat talaga. Minsan nagtatampo narin ako sa Kanya. Kahit wala akong karapatang magtampo pero ginagawa ko narin. Wala syang magagawa kasi eto ang feelings ko sa Kanya. At alam ko na naiintindihan Nya ako - sana nga. Hanggang dito nalang at ako'y walang ganang magsulat.

“Santo Subito!” (Saint Now!)This was the loud cry of the people at the funeral of the late Pope John Paul II last April 8, 2005 6 days after his death on April 2. Six years later, Pope John Paul II is beatified - the third of the four steps to sainthood. The First step is the initial investigation of the person's life after he/she is considered for sainthood. It will be in the Diocesan level. After being confirmed, the Vatican will acknowledge a "Nihil Obstat." A Latin for "nothing hinders." In this stage, the person is called "the Servant of God." The second step is the establishing of the heroic act of the person. This will be led by a Postulator who coordinates the causes for beatification or canonization through the judicial processes which includes conducting thorough investigations into the life of the candidate, his works (writings) and deeds. It will be presented to the Congregation for the Causes of Saints in Rome. In this stage, the person is...

Hahay, kuyaw gyud ning kinabuhi, usahay dili ka kasabot. Lisod tugkaron. Daghang mga pangutana. Daghan kaayong mga panghitabo nga makapalibog. Bisag ako nakapangutana na sa akong kaugalingon. Daghan kaayo ko ug pangandoy sa akong kaugalingon ug sa akong pamilya. Pero mura man dili mi magkasinabot sa akong pangandoy. Sa tinuod lang, usahay makapangutana ko sa Ginoo kung ngano ingon ini man ang akong/among kapalaran. Kitang tanan gusto nga mahimong maayo ang kahimtang sa kinabuhi. Gusto nato nga himsog atong panglawas, walay sakit, naay maayong panimalay, maayo ang pamilya, walay gubot, nakapahuman ug eskwela ang mga anak, malinawon ug haruhay nga pagpuyo. Basta ang basic needs makab-ot lang, pwede na. So far makaingon ko nga maayo man among pamilya, although dili mi open sa among mga gibati sa usa't-usa pero makasulti ko nga ang gugma nagpatigbabaw gyud. Bisag pobre ra mi pero maayo man among relasyon sa usag-usa ug sa ubang tao. Pero lagi, aduna pud baya miy mga butang nga gikinah...

kapag nananatiling bulag ang puso sa kalayaan na nais nitong matamasa, at pilit mo itong nililinlang sa mga kasinungalingan ng pagka-imbot, pagbabalatkayo at pagkagahaman, hinding-hindi mo makakamit ang ninanais mong kaligayahan...magparaya ka...maging bukas ka...

A friend of mine who just graduated from a theological school here in Manila sent a message on my mobile phone asking me to pray for him for his final decision to embrace a religious life perpetually. "Bro pls pray 4 me. yes or no ba me sa buhay relihiyoso." What can i say? I believe religious life is a gift. It is something that is given to you by God just like any other vocations - single blessedness and married life. None of these vocations supersede the other, these are equal calling from God. And this guy is responding to the call of becoming a priest. Was the text expressing his confusion? Can he make that decision? Or maybe he just want my prayer. I would be happy if he's confused. It only shows how serious he is in whatever life ahead of him. This will make him think over and over to a lifetime decision he has to make. We need priests right now, and not just priests, but good priests. And i just hope he will be able to go over and reflect his vocation story. It i...

Am I running out of passion on music? I guess not and hopefully not. But every time i pick up "eng2x" (my violin) and think of practicing the piece composed by Pachelbel that I promised to master this year, my hands are suddenly tied up and loosing its grip on the fingerboard. I've always wanted to be a good instrumentalist to my favorite stringed instrument but I failed. It's been three years since i bought it and until now i can't even finished book II of the Suzuki method, too bad. Poor "Mr. Time," he always falls prey to my conventional scape goat which is "i don't have time to practice." Ever since I was a child, the typical sound of this instrument have always been like a lullaby for me. I like its music because it feels like the notes are physically coming out from within every time you play it. It's dredging up those emotions that have been long hidden from uncertainties and letting it soar as if everything else is freedom. The ...

I was on my way going home from my work that usually ends at 11:30 PM. I arrived at the tricycle terminal station and then i took the next tricycle bound for Bagong Silangan, the place where I live. I really don't like to be seated at the extension seat inside the sidecar of the tricycle for the place is to narrow. But i have no option since the seat at the back of the driver was already occupied. For me it was just a normal night, I do this routine every night except during my day off. I was tired that time and almost fell asleep when suddenly the tricycle stopped. I don't know what exactly happened in front of us since i was inside and facing the entrance of the sidecar. Then suddenly i heard gun shots. At first i thought it was just a firecracker, but who could have done that this month? Suddenly i got outside the tricycle to see what happened. And what i saw was several young men running away and a man holding a gun going to the place where i was standing trying to hide(la...

They say that those people who are tough, strong, sturdy, are people who are actually weak, vulnerable - only looking for affection and love... they hush up or conceal themselves to a pseudo-narcissism. Why can't they just be true to themselves to save the hassle of deceiving their ego? A pity! - just a thought though... -melskiens-

"Spiritually speaking, what do you do when questions no longer inspire you?" I quote this one from one of the contributors of Yahoo Answer named "Just Be." It's just a simple question - not inspiring, though, thought-provoking. Somehow if one will think of it, you will really ponder what if, indeed, questions will no longer inspire you? /Ms./Mrs./Mr. Just Be is only asking this in the context of how he indulges himself/herself in answering or posting questions on Yahoo Answers . However, on my part, this question also hovers to my own individual deeds as i try to venture on my own life's exploration. I usually go to this web site just to scan questions of no-where-to-be-found, none sense, not-so-nonsense, and sensible ones. Maybe because I'm a type of person who has a lot of questions to offer "to my own consumption," that's why this question poses chastisement on my kinda bewildered (in the sense of leaving the formation i had) but exh...

I'm all alone right now at the office. My office mate wasn't around. I heard from her yesterday that she needs to be with her family for some urgent reason. I don't know if she got a permission to take a day of absent or just took it her way. I was scheduled to have a day shift (Manila time)for the 24/7 operation of our eBay account. The usual operations with some other departments will start at around 9PM Manila time which is 5AM US Pacific time. While writing this, it is already 4AM eastern time or 1AM Pacific time. No calls coming in since I clocked in and I'm just here sitting at my station browsing some online news reading some current events. By the way, I was 10 minutes late because i went to Tandang Sora with my friend, who is a priest, before heading to work. I was rushing to be on time but i failed. I guess I have to settle that concern later on and bear the consequences. Every minute and even seconds in this kind of job counts, that's the thing. Anyways, ...